WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump announced Wednesday that the new official font to be used on all White House stationery is Comic Sans. "I like Comic Sans," he wrote. "It's functional but fun, like my administration."
Trump reportedly came up with the idea while reading a "boring memo on Syria." His eyes began to glaze over and he started to grow angry, lashing out at aides and cabinet members. Finally, he threw his hands up in the air.
"I can't do this," he said. "You know what this paper needs to be more exciting? Comic Sans. I always like reading memos in Comic Sans. Whenever I see a flyer written in Comic Sans, I go, 'OK, whoever made this has promise. A real expert.'
"It makes me laugh---it's a real rib-tickler, right down to the bone---the funny bone," he added.
Shortly after the outburst, Trump sent out a memo instructing all White House staffers to use the font in all memos, "preferably in a cool color, like maybe neon green with a pink background or something. Make it pop!"
The move was quickly condemned in a press conference held by Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, who advocated for a professional font like Papyrus.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.