MAR-A-LAGO, FL — With the 2024 election fast approaching and Trump now behind in the polls, former President Donald Trump's campaign team is reportedly deep into conversations trying to figure out if they're supposed to be doing anything right now.
"So, do we need to like, do anything?" asked campaign chair Chris LaCivita, studying the worsening poll numbers. "Are we supposed to be, like, going to battleground states? Or running ads on TV? I don't know. Just starting to feel like maybe we should be doing some sort of job or something."
Though campaign staff discussed terms like "ground game" and "voter outreach," the campaign has thus far remained undecided on what, if anything, it should do. "We sort of had the race wrapped up, but now it's not looking so good. I wonder if we should go somewhere besides Montana or maybe post something on the biggest social media platform on the planet," said advisor Jason Miller. "Nah, seems like a lot of work. I'm sure we'll come up with something, though."
According to sources, Republicans across the country have begun pulling their hair out as they watch poll numbers slip behind a Vice President who cannot complete a sentence and a guy known for giving little boys tampons. "Call me crazy, but I feel like we should be able to beat Cackles McGee and Tampon Tim," said local Republican man Dean Stephens. "I'm no professional, but I think I could come up with a more coherent strategy than the RNC by the time I finish this here bagel. Slap an ad together showing Kamala's failure at the border, her causing inflation, her covering up Biden's cognitive decline, her inability to speak, Walz's city burning to the ground, and him giving tampons to boys. Then, have Trump and every single Republican politician post it on X tomorrow where Trump's 88 million followers will see it. Look, I did it! Didn't even take me half a bagel."
At publishing time, the campaign had expressed confidence they were on top of things but did ask if anyone knew what they were supposed to be doing to please give them a jingle.
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