SAN DIEGO, CA — "They're just so happy up there," said Kevin Paulson, 37, as he sipped a beer and tapped his foot at the local concert venue. "I just - I just don't have the heart to tell them."
Paulson, along with hundreds of others, went to see a band Saturday night, saying it looked like fun. As the band took the stage, the audience saw something that hadn't been seen in decades: a horn section accompanying the usual guitar, bass, and drums. Reacting with a mix of compassion and sadness, the crowd slowly realized that the band would be playing ska music, despite ska having died over twenty years ago.
But, of course, no one had the heart to tell the band.
"Look, I'm not gonna be the one to break their hearts," Paulson said. "They'll probably realize it on their own eventually. But for now, let them have their fun, ya know?"
Fellow concertgoer Jenny McNeil agreed: "They're not hurting anyone, so why bring them down? And that horn section is pretty tight, actually. Awww - look, now they're dancing around in their checkered shoes. It's just so cute."
"Oh - oh no," she said as she suddenly realized with horror that she actually still likes ska and felt an uncontrollable urge to skank in the mosh pit.
At publishing time, fans were moved to learn the band had released several new records over the past twenty years and still tours and still has absolutely no idea that the world moved on from ska early in the Bush adminstration.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
