DETROIT, MI — Sources within the fundraising wing of the Trump campaign report that they recently raised several million dollars in fewer than 12 hours after Trump introduced the new catchphrase "How much would you pay not to hear Kamala talk?"
According to Doug Jameson, a Trump staffer, the phrase has been incredibly effective at getting average Americans to cough up some cash for Trump. "As it turns out, people are really, really motivated by the prospect of not having to listen to Kamala Harris for the next four years," Jameson said. "I can't believe we didn't think of this earlier — the donations just keep rolling in."
According to Trump, the phrase is one of the best catchphrases he's ever come up with.
"I was listening to Kamala talk, and it was so painful, and I wondered how much money I would pay to not have to listen to her," said Trump. "And I realized I would pay a lot of money, so much money. And so I had maybe the best idea anyone has ever had, that we should ask everyone to just donate the amount they would pay to not have to hear her talk ever again. Let me tell you folks, the dollars, they are coming in so fast, it's so fabulous. Very good. So much winning!"
At publishing time, the Trump campaign had doubled the amount of donations coming in after adding another catchphrase: "How much would you pay to not have to watch Tim Walz wave for the next four years?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
