WASHINGTON D.C.—As President Donald Trump has insisted he will not concede the election until all legal ballots have been counted, he has started an unusual project: construction of an even larger white house next to the current White House.
“If Biden insists on this completely fraudulent election,” Trump told the press, “then I guess he can have this dinky little fixer-upper I’m currently living in. In the meantime, I’ll be moving into the much better house next door!”
The new house being built at 1602 Pennsylvania Avenue looks much like the current White House, but it’s twice as big and has “TRUMP” painted in big letters on the front.
“So when foreign diplomats come to Washington D.C. to meet the president,” Trump explained, “they’re going to get here and see two houses and say to themselves, ‘Which one does the president live in?' And what do you think they'll pick? The tiny one that looks like the house of some sleepy fraud or the much bigger, much nicer house that looks like a leader lives in it?”
Joe Biden insisted he didn’t mind the new construction and pointed out that having the largest, most expensive house in a neighborhood usually isn’t the best investment. Trump countered by pointing out that the advantage of having the largest, most expensive house is that you have the largest, most expensive house.