WASHINGTON, D.C.—The media is scratching their heads today after thousands of angry Trump supporters descended on the capital and were completely peaceful throughout the entire demonstration.
"I don't even know what this is. This is really confusing," said D.C. correspondent Cork Dorgen. "We've seen violent protests and mostly-peaceful protests, but this protest seems all-the-way peaceful and we didn't even know that was a thing."
According to witnesses, a crowd of hundreds of thousands of people peacefully marched while waving flags, singing the National Anthem, and proclaiming their love for the country and the president.
Media outlets in turn have condemned the march as "physically peaceful, but morally violent." According to several reports, demonstrators were seen wearing shirts with violent and triggering patriotic messages. One reporter witnessed a high-schooler in a MAGA hat smirking very violently at him.
"While we didn't see physical violence here today, we heard violent speech, violent ideas, and violent singing. These people are basically violent," said CNN reporter Jim Acosta. "If they are not stopped, they may violently stop watching news from trusted sources like CNN or violently expose corruption in Joe Biden's administration."
Reporters were even more horrified when it was revealed that 92% of the crowd was planning to violently attend church services and violently sing hymns the next day in spite of the pandemic.