U.S. - After Trump moved some troops from Northern Syria, he was immediately blamed for causing violence in the typically peaceful Middle East.
Syria, which was known around the world as an idyllic paradise until January 20, 2017 at 12:00 PM EST, is now in shambles thanks to some minor troop reassignments. Trump tried to restablize the Middle East by announcing a deployment of 2,000 U.S. troops to defend the famed bastion of democracy and freedom Saudi Arabia, but it was too late. The damage had been done.
"It's sad that the usually serene resort destination of Syria has been transformed into a war-torn hellscape under Trump," said Hillary Clinton. "Under my watch, the Middle East was basically a big golf resort."
Barack Obama and George W. Bush joined in their condemnation of what Trump has done to the Middle East. "It's like they say in Texas," said Bush. "Attack Iraq once, shame on me. Attack it twice, well, then you won't get attacked again."
"Trump has betrayed our allies, the Kurds," said one man in Arizona who had just googled "who are the Kurds" a few minutes before. "Look at all this violence he's causing in the usually utopian paradise of Syria."
The nation has called on Trump to allow U.S. soldiers to stick around for another few centuries in order to bring our various conflicts to a satisfactory conclusion.
At publishing time, the Pentagon had issued a reminder to the nation that "we've always been at war with Turkey."