HELL—After a long day of going to and fro upon the earth seeking whom he may devour, Satan, ruler of demons, took a moment to send out a tweet about a new book he was very excited to endorse: prosperity preacher Paula White's new release Something Greater.
White, who claims to be a preacher but is actually a heretic and also a woman, put out her new book and was praised by many, including the Prince of the Power of the Air.
Satan wrote on his official Twitter account: "My friend @Paula_White has a WONDERFUL new book releasing tomorrow about God’s power to transform lives. Read SOMETHING GREATER and give it to anyone looking for hope!" He also tweeted out several selfies of him reading the book by a cozy fire.
Several major evangelical leaders followed the lead of the Prince of Darkness and also sang the book's praises including Jerry Falwell Jr, Franklin Graham, and Robert Jeffress.
White, who is said to be President Trump's spiritual advisor and pastor, accepted all the high praise of her new book by tweeting out, "Blessings will overtake you, Satan!... God says so!"
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.