WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a calm, measured response to the migrant caravan approaching the US, President Trump reportedly just approved the use of the United States Space Force's Death Star superlaser in order to obliterate the approaching Central Americans.
The Death Star will fire at the caravan, obliterating the "invading army" from reaching the U.S., and likely destroying the entire planet as well.
"We have to come out strong against these invaders," Trump said in a press conference. "We sent some troops down there, but I'm not sure that's enough. Have you seen some of the videos of these people? Some of them are riding in trucks. Some even have cell phones. It's pretty scary. I think we've gotta use the ol' Death Star just to show them that we mean business."
A small band of the migrants reportedly attempted to take down the Death Star's shield generator hidden deep in a Mexican rainforest but got sidetracked in a really weird sequence with adorable little teddy bears.
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