CEDAR OAK FALLS, VA—Christ Lutheran Church's Minister of Greeting, Charlie Banyan, enthusiastically extended his hand to over 300 different people Sunday morning in order to share the love of Christ and also a bunch of germs.
The greeter smiled warmly and shook the hands of every single person who entered the church building that morning, making sure to spread both the love of Jesus and the flu virus.
"Welcome to Christ Lutheran! Please enjoy a complimentary coffee, donut, and brutal flu virus I just spread to you," the man said cheerily to one visitor after shaking his hand and patting him on the shoulder. "It'll hit you in about two or three days, and hoo boy—it's a doozy this year. I'll pray for you when that thing knocks you off your feet later this week!"
While the church greeter hits most of the visitors and regular attendees with whatever virus is going around, the church is sure to get anybody he missed in its mandatory greeting time. "We want to make sure everybody gets the joy of spreading a warm feeling of fellowship and also some nasty bugs. If our expert greeter doesn't get ya, our meet and greet time will."
Through clever maneuvering and stealth skills, one man was able to avoid both the morning handshake and the meet and greet time, but sadly fell ill after eating an undercooked hot dish after the service.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.