U.S. - Millions of dreams were dashed overnight after former President Donald J. Trump announced that only his most faithful 144,000 followers will make it onto Truth Social. The new social media experiment spearheaded by the former president is said to be the "greatest, most incredible social platform, maybe ever, lots of people say so."
Trump, who is currently the only individual with access to Truth Social, posted about the exclusivity to his zeros of followers. A screenshot of the post was then released to the press as an official statement.
"Only my most faithful 144,000 followers can see this," the post read. "Truth Social is the most exclusive social platform in the world-- which makes it the BEST! Join your favorite president in making social media great again!!!!"
App users who failed to place within the 144,000 on the waiting list are encouraged to donate money to support Trump and Truth Social. Higher donations will reportedly provide users with a chance to boost their placement on the waiting list.
"If someone donates, that's a clear sign they're a faithful follower," said Trump in an interview with an unnaturally nervous Tucker Carlson. "Don't worry, Tuck, you're already in!"
Social Media Experts say the 144,000 may be symbolic, only existing to emphasize the exclusivity of the platform. However, some potential users have been outraged at the thought they may not be counted as among the most faithful Trump supporters.
"Haven't I suffered enough?" said former New Jersey governor Chris Christie.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that those who weren't chosen as one of the 144,000 would be cast out into outer darkness where there would be weeping and gnashing of teeth, also known as Twitter.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.