Biden Practices Saying ‘The State Of The Union Is Strong’ In The Mirror With A Straight Face
Politics · Mar 1, 2022

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a White House bathroom, President Biden was heard saying "The state of the Union is strong" over and over again, trying to say the words without busting up laughing.

The President had gone into the bathroom about thirty minutes prior and spent the whole time trying to get the whole sentence out without laughing about how ridiculous and obviously untrue it was.

"The state... of the Union... is... I'm sorry, I can't do this!" Biden said, cracking up before he got the words out. "It's too much!" Biden began wiping tears out of his eyes. "How am I supposed to get through this? At least we'll have a good blooper reel! Oh, man. It's just such a riot. Even I know the Union isn't strong. And I can't even wipe myself!"

"Oh, man. My speechwriters are hilarious." Biden tried tactics like saying sad phrases such as "shoveling dead puppies" and looking up videos of Afghans falling from planes, but it didn't work. The videos in particular didn't make him sad, as he said it had happened "four or five days ago, man." Still, Biden tried hard to get the words out.

"My cheeks hurt from laughing so much. OK, take 371. Let's get this done."

At publishing time, Biden was practicing saying all his numbers from one to ten without stumbling over his words. It was not going well.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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