WASHINGTON, D.C. — Aides in the White House were shocked this week to find former President Joe Biden's autopen still signing bills in a storage closet.
Biden's autopen had apparently just "kept on churning out more executive orders and pardons," according to Lance Henderson and Gianna Rute, two Trump staffers.
"It was honestly kind of impressive," Henderson recalled. "There was a 2-foot-tall stack of documents next to it, and it was just going through and signing all of them ‘Joseph R. Biden, President of the United States.' It was chugging along at a pretty good pace, too."
Officials in the Trump administration later confirmed the discovery.
"We've been wondering why President Trump has had to spend so much time cancelling Biden executive orders, even long after the transition of power," admitted Jackson Maas, a Trump aide. "At least we unplugged the thing now, and it shouldn't be any more trouble."
President Trump took to Truth Social to expose the scandal.
"Sad, LAME Joe Biden's auto-pen was still signing bills for him just like it did for his ENTIRE FAKE PRESIDENCY," Trump posted. "Everyone can come and see me sign my bills — not like SLEEPY JOE, who had to have a machine do his work. My signatures are immaculate, everyone is saying so. MY SIGNATURE IS BEAUTIFUL!"
At publishing time, Trump aides had also discovered the graham crackers and boxes of crayons for Biden that his staffers had stashed beside the autopen.
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