U.S. — American toy and playset manufacturer Little Tikes announced an exciting new playset modeled after the ancient Ark of the Covenant that actually kills you if you touch it.
Little Tikes, known for its for its iconic Cozy Coupe, unveiled the Ark of the Covenant as part of its new Ancient Relics line of playsets, which also includes King Tut's Tomb (with a real curse!), the Rosetta Stone (realistically brittle!), and China's Terracotta Army (featuring actual deadly traps!). Not included with the Ark of the Covenant is a holy tabernacle to safely store it inside.
The new playset was modeled based on the precise specifications given in the Bible and comes with two insulated poles to safely carry it. Replicas of the tablets of the law that were broken are stored safely inside, where no one can see them without first killing themselves. Lacking the omnipotent power of the Almighty God, the Little Tikes ark employs a high-voltage electric charge to kill anyone who touches the ark.
The 770 AAA batteries required to power the deadly electrical current are not included.
"Wow! The ark goes up before me in battle!" says a boy in the new televised ad. "I just need four friends to carry it on their shoulders while I slaughter the Philistines!"
The Ark of the Covenant playset was reportedly flying off store shelves, leading Little Tikes to advise customers to call ahead to make sure their local store has it in stock. Company executives were said to be confident that the toy would be a hot holiday item for the Hanukkah and Christmas seasons.
At publishing time, Little Tikes had been served with 7,000 wrongful death lawsuits and was forced to close its doors.
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