Tragic Report Reveals Thousands of Journalists Still Have Not Been Laid Off
Media · Jan 27, 2024 ·

WASHINGTON, DC — A devastating new report revealed that despite massive layoffs, thousands of journalists still remain gainfully employed.

"It's a tough pill to swallow," said researcher Stan Morgan as he announced the study's results. "Even after multiple rounds of layoffs at the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, and many other newspapers, it's only been a drop in the bucket. Tragically, even today, thousands of journalists have not yet been laid off."

Reports have conclusively proved the immense benefits of firing journalists, leaving researchers puzzled as to why more outlets aren't following the sterling example of the Los Angeles Times.

"We applaud the efforts of the L.A. Times and the Post to address the stain on our nation," said Morgan. "If only more newspapers would follow suit, millions of Americans could live more happy, productive lives. We must all do our part to never, ever read what journalists write. It's up to all of us."

As of publishing time, thousands of journalists had acquired new jobs at Dunkin' Donuts, where they reportedly spent their days harassing customers for not ordering black coffee.

Check out Hasbro's latest update to the classic board game "Guess Who?" - now with more genders, inclusion, and fun!* *Fun not guaranteed

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.