WASHINGTON, D.C. — A group of young children participating in an Easter Egg hunt at the White House found themselves at the center of unexpected controversy after they discovered more of President Joe Biden's classified documents hidden inside some of the colorful Easter eggs. Parents alerted the FBI, who then arrived on the scene to investigate.
"We were just having a normal egg hunt when little Samuel found a bunch of top-secret documents," said one child's father, Thomas Gordon. "He ran towards me waving a stack of papers and started asking me why the government is selling captured alien weapons technology to the Chinese. Then FBI agents tackled him. This is the worst Easter egg hunt ever."
Other children at the event found similar documents in the Easter eggs they found. One young girl allegedly discovered files related to American funding of Islamic insurgent groups in Syria. Another boy came away from the egg hunt with detailed documentation on the chemicals they're putting in the water to make frogs change their sexual orientation.
When asked for comment, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was evasive. "We have no knowledge of these so-called ‘top-secret' documents," she said at a press briefing following the egg hunt. "Nor do we know why they were placed in the eggs by the President's son while he was under the influence of multiple substances. We don't know anything about it."
At publishing time, economic experts were speculating that the Easter Bunny couldn't afford eggs but still wanted the children to come away with something valuable.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!