WORLD—In order to save the earth, the next climate change conference between world leaders will be held on a rocketship. This rocketship will then be launched into the sun, and, according to sources, there will be much rejoicing. "This is a genius plan to save the Earth," said one conference organizer. "Yes, we're going to burn a lot of fossil fuels to get into orbit. That's a minus. But then, once the leaders of governments who burn way more fossil fuels than any regular citizen have slammed into the surface of the sun, which is 10 million degrees in regular temperature, and something else in that weird Celsius thing dumb people use, most of our problems will be solved." Studies say that the measure is expected to prevent politicians from driving massive motorcades through cities and flying dozens of private jets to meeting locations year after year, and the carbon savings will be signficant. Unfortunately, climate change will still be a problem, as President Xi of China doesn't attend these things anyway.
Chris Smitherson has a problem: he's unvaccinated -- which means he's left out of all activities as he doesn't have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.