According to sources close to you, the Bible app you finally decided to open today opened up to the same place in the Bible it was open to when you went to church three weeks ago. You pulled up your Bible app this morning, those close to you claimed, saying you might have just accidentally tapped on it while trying to click on Twitter. Then, according to anonymous sources, you suddenly realized it was open to the same place it was open to when the pastor asked you to open your Bible in church last Sunday. The app that contained dozens of translations of God's very words to mankind had gone untouched and sat there uselessly while you struggled through the challenges of everyday life. The app still being open to 2 Timothy 1 from the pastor's message when you went to church three weeks ago - or was it four? - convicted you of your need to read God's Word far more often than you do. At publishing time, you were reading The Babylon Bee instead of the Bible.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
