HOLLYWOOD, CA—In a push for inclusivity, actors across Hollywood resigned from their roles today and took a pledge never to take a role where they have to act like someone they are not.
The actors resigned from their roles en masse since they are hatefully appropriating the experiences of other people when they act.
"Actors should not act like someone else, since this is appropriating the culture, thoughts, acts, and attitudes of a different person," said Alyssa Milano in an Instagram video. "I would also like to apologize for the times I have acted like I am someone that I am not, from the time I was pretending to be a witch even though I am not really a witch, to the time... wait, that's the only role I can remember. I'm sure I had a few more. I'm sorry for those too."
There are only a few actors still left in major roles after this, with Larry David being allowed to continue playing himself in Curb Your Enthusiasm, among others.
Marvel in particular has been hit hard, and the company is currently frantically searching for people who have actual superpowers or are real Norse gods to play their big roles. They did manage to find an actual raccoon and a live tree to play Rocket and Groot, respectively, wishing Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel good luck in their future careers, should someone decide to make a movie about Bradley Cooper or Vin Diesel.
Many actors lost starring roles in huge productions due to this movement, though Alyssa Milano still has the same number of big-name parts that she did before the movement started.
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