To Calm Complaining Israelites, God Introduces New 'Flamin' Hot' Manna
Theology · Feb 23, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

TABERAH — Israelite leaders Moses and Aaron are relieved this morning, as God calmed the complaining Israelites by introducing new "Flamin' Hot" manna.

The grumbling of the descendants of Abraham had grown louder over recent days, causing the Lord's anger to burn against them until Moses interceded to ease tensions. In response to the Israelites' complaints about the lack of food variety in the wilderness, God showed His graciousness by providing the exciting new manna flavor.

"See now the kindness and provision of the Lord your God, O Israel," Moses said as the people emerged from their tents to discover that the fine, flake-like manna they were used to finding on the ground each morning now had a distinct reddish-orange tint. "Gather now this ‘Flamin' Hot' manna for yourself and your households, according to the amount you shall eat each day."

The Israelites shouted for joy as they began hastily gathering baskets full of the deliciously spicy manna. "Surely the Lord is good to us!" shouted one man from the tribe of Benjamin. "He has given us this bread from Heaven in a bold new flavor!"

Moses then warned the Israelites. "Do not gather more than you need for one day," he said. "Let no one leave any of it over till the next day, for it shall rot. Also, you must not rub your eyes after eating it with your fingers, for your eyes shall burn with fervent heat."

At publishing time, the Israelites were once again grumbling, forcing Moses to strike a rock, from which poured forth Mountain Dew Baja Blast.


We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.