U.S. — A source close to the Harris campaign reveals Tim Walz is "very excited" for this week's Vice Presidential Debate after learning he might get spanked by JD Vance.
"I was nervous at first because Vance seems to know what he's talking about," Kamala Harris' running mate said, "but I didn't realize it was that kind of a debate."
"I can barely contain my excitement!"
Walz, a known tampon aficionado, claims to be "an actual heterosexual married to a woman," dispelling rumors that he is a gay man. However, his newfound eagerness for a spanking by Vance appears to contradict previous statements that he "loves the womens."
"I'm not a gay," Walz said on the campaign trail. "Why do people keep asking me that?"
News of Walz's excitement has reportedly reached JD Vance, who sources claim is now no longer looking forward to the debate.
At publishing time, Tim Walz asked his wife not to come to the debate. "We're just doing guy stuff, you wouldn't be interested," he said.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
