U.S. — A harsh winter storm has swept the nation, disrupting travel plans, canceling flights, and leaving thousands disappointed and stranded at the airport. Passengers for Spirit Airlines on the other hand were disappointed to learn that their flights had not been canceled and were moving along as scheduled.

"Ahhhhh! You've got to be kidding me! Our Spirit Airlines flight has not been canceled or even delayed. Our plane has arrived on schedule!" complained Derick Johnson to his family. "Well, this is just great. Instead of being safely stuck in the airport for days like all these other folks, we have to actually board that thing and fly 1,000s of feet up the air!"

According to sources, once passengers boarded Spirit Airlines many asked the flight attendants several questions before takeoff. "Are you sure the inspection came back alright? Can we check it again? Is the pilot starting to feel ill? Are you sure we don't need to delay this thing another hour or 5?" said, multiple concerned passengers. "No really we don't mind, it's not too late to cancel this thing altogether."

At publishing time, people flying Southwest who had been stranded at the airport for days were told that there were finally dozens of flights available for departure, but unfortunately, they were all through Spirit Airlines.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.