The Babylon Bee's Predictions for 2023
Sponsored · Dec 28, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Tuttle Twins

It's that time of year again - when the mystic oracles at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2023 be better than this year? You decide!

January 1 - Millions set out to read their entire Bible

January 4 - Dozens still reading their entire Bible

January 6 - AOC dies again of PTSD after recounting her death on January 6

February 13 - Kamala Harris reports that Biden had an unfortunate accident coming down the stairs

February 16 - Kamala caught laughing while at Biden's funeral

February 19 - Kamala Harris sworn in

February 20 - Weed criminalized heavily in all 50 states

March 3 - Whoopi Goldberg says something racist

March 13 - AOC says something stupid

March 23 - John Fetterman finally finishes taking his oath of office

April 4 - The war in Ukraine ends

April 5 - The war in Taiwan begins

April 12 - SBF says that another $50 million of people's money has gone missing

May 1 - Obama releases a new memoir

May 12 - No one shows up to work across America. Also, all Nintendo Switches are sold out for some reason

May 19 - Webster changes the definition of gender

May 22 - Bob Iger bends the knee and swears fealty to Ron DeSantis

May 25 - Public schools announce they will now allow Tuttle Twins books in school libraries

May 26 - Tuttle Twins books pulled from libraries after students start questioning teachers' bias

June 4 - Kanye says he's not crazy anymore

June 5 - Kanye joins the KKK

July 4 - Zelensky named president of the United States

August 8 - Dr. Fauci comes out of retirement after new COVID strain leaks from a lab

August 12 - Alex Jones sued for another $400 trillion billion

September 15 - Obama releases a new memoir

September 20 - Elon releases part 3,285 of the Twitter files

October 27 - Elon Musk buys The View, promptly cancels the show forever

October 29 - Post Office releases Jan 6 commemorative stamp

November 9 - Pizzagate conspiracy confirmed true

November 23 - Brian Stelter retires to Idaho to be with his kind

November 25 - Elon Musk announces gas-powered Tesla to save us all from the coming ice age

December 5 - Disney announces Phase 5 of the Marvel Universe will be Brie Larson giving a series of 2-hour TED talks on misogyny.

December 10 - A late-night host says something funny (hey, we can dream right?)

December 31 - The last remaining person still reading through their Bible finally finishes it


NOT SATIRE: Before you go, here's one more 2023 prediction that you won't want to miss…

As a Babylon Bee reader, you know that primary education is one of the ways that young minds are shaped. In the early years, children learn how to view the world. In recent years, progressive public school administrators and teachers have capitalized on this, teaching kids outright falsehoods like "socialism is good", "America is shameful", and many more.

This is not good. And I think one of the best ways to teach kids what is true is through children's books — specifically the Tuttle Twins series, which teaches kids about free markets, liberty, America's founding, and much more.

That's why I'd like to predict that we'll put a set of Tuttle Twins books in every public school library in America. And by doing so, kids will finally have the chance to love liberty and understand how the government should work.

Even better - my friends at Moms for Liberty have stepped up and offered to hand deliver them to ensure we don't miss this opportunity.

But in order for my prediction to come true, we need your help to make it happen. Would you be a part of the team that's putting a set of Tuttle Twins books in every public school library in America by making a donation before December 31st at midnight?

By doing so, you will help more kids develop a love for America at an early age.

Thank you,

Connor Boyack

Author, Tuttle Twins

Founder, Libertas Institute


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