Tucker Carlson is the worst person who has ever walked the face of the earth. Want to know why? Read on, friend, and we'll tell you.
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First, look at his dumb face. He's constantly baffled. Why is he so baffled? Because he is a dummy. Normal people don't look like that. There's something wrong with him. It's possible he was dropped on his head when he was three. That would explain how his face looks so dumb and stupid all the time. Sad!
Second, he's an idiot who is constantly saying dumb stuff from his ugly face, which is probably because he is paid by Qatar. He might even be in league with Hamas. We don't know for sure. We're just asking questions.
Also, his hair looks so bad. Who does his hair? A blind person with terrible taste? That's the only logical explanation, due to how bad it looks. And don't get us started on his laugh. It's weird and unnatural. It's like he's a Sesame Street puppet being operated by a man with Tourette's. Yikes! Someone should tell him to stop laughing like that.
Seriously, Tucker is dumb. And bad. Someone needs to do something about it. Like a preemptive missile strike before he gets worse.
It is the opinion of the entire editorial staff here at The Babylon Bee that Tucker should stop making a show. Nobody likes it and it sucks.
Because of how bad he is.
And dumb.
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