HANCOCK, MI—Evergrace Community Church attendee Brandon Munson suffered an incredible slap in the face yesterday when he held a door open for one of the female members of the church and she did not immediately spin around, lunge at him and begin passionately making out with him. The woman, new church member Olivia Henderson, 19, simply walked by him only cracking a partial smile and saying, "thanks."
"Is that all I get?" Munson said in a press conference after the incident. "Imagine if I hadn't been there? How long would this woman have stood there, unable to proceed? Where would she be had I not been there to intervene?"
In a follow-up interview, Henderson said she was just checking the church out and would probably not be returning.
Munson told reporters that he saw his and Henderson's meeting at that doorway as a divine appointment. "The Lord put me there to not only help her through that doorway but through the doorway of a new life together in a holy union. If she had any connection with the Spirit at all, she would have turned around and made out with me on the spot." Then Munson added, "not that I would allow it. I would resist. Maintain purity until marriage. Still, it's the thought that counts."
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.