TALLAHASSEE, FL — Liberal activist Sharon Welch declared today that she was "literally living in Nazi Germany" after parents removed pornographic material from an elementary school library.

"This is Hitler all over again!" screamed Ms. Welch as she protested outside the school. "The Fourth Reich is upon us!"

As Ms. Welch watched parents remove copies of Hustler from the kindergarten area, she began goose-stepping up and down the school steps. "Book-burning fascists!" shouted Ms. Welch, as she affixed a yellow star to her shirt. "We will resist! Get ready, Poland!"

A couple of confused parents attempted to explain to Ms. Welch that they just didn't want strangers to give their children porn. "I tried to tell her we were only protecting our kids from sexually graphic material, but she started shouting 'Joseph Goebbels' and ran away," said local dad Cameron Johnson. "Protecting five-year-olds from pornography just doesn't feel very Nazi-ish. I think she might be overreacting a touch."

At publishing time, Ms. Welch had declared protecting kids from gender mutilation as the "New Final Solution".

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.