GREENVILLE, DE—President Biden has forcefully denounced a local McDonald's ice-cream machine that isn't working as "Jim Crow times a million."
According to sources, Biden was recently rewarded with a trip to McDonald's to get ice cream since he has been so good lately. "I want vanilla! I want vanilla!" he reportedly said.
Much to his utter dismay, Biden's motorcade arrived at the restaurant only to be told that the ice cream machine wasn't working that day.
"You're a lying dog-faced pony soldier!" Biden screamed at the fast-food workers. "This is discrimination! Racism! Republican malarkey! One million-billion times worse than Jim Crow!"
Biden's aides dragged him back to the car kicking and screaming. He has since instructed Congress to draft an 83 trillion dollar spending bill to fix McDonald's' broken infrastructure.