The Babylon Bee's Predictions For 2021
Life ยท Dec 31, 2020

It's official: 2020 was the worst year ever, except for almost all the other years in human history! Will 2021 be a better year? Take a look at the Babylon Bee's official list of infallible predictions for next year and decide for yourself!

January 1 - New Year resolutions begin

January 5 - New Year resolutions downgraded

January 20 - Biden sworn in

January 21 - Biden dies of natural causes

January 22 - Trump announces 2024 presidential run

January 23 - 2024 Campaign kicks off

January 25 - Obama releases new memoir

January 27 - Feminists finally begin to reverse Handmaid's Tale

February 1 - All remaining Trump supporters hunted down and executed

February 2 - Electoral college, First Amendment, Second Amendment, churches, and capitalism eliminated

February 3 - Democrats announce return to unity

February 26 - China officially annexes United States

March 1 - Pronouns must be tattooed on forehead or hand

March 3 - Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up the moon

March 6 - Elon Musk fixes moon

March 10 - Obama releases new memoir

March 21 - COVID 20 arrives

March 25 - FDA approves first permanent mask facial implant

April 1 - Cuomo hunts down remaining elderly in New York

April 19 - Steven Furtick announces he is the Messiah

May 5 - Elon Musk accepts Christ

May 6 - Joel Osteen accepts Christ

May 10 - Obama releases new memoir

June 6 - AOC tweets something dumb

July 3 - Kamala Harris forces gulag prisoners to make bricks without straw

August 15 - Netflix releases Cuties 2

September 5 - CHAZ 2 founded

September 6 - CHAZ 2 dismantled

October 1 - Beth Moore becomes Head Pastor of Christianity

October 8 - Obama releases new memoir

October 11 - ISIS takes over all of Canada

November 17 - Development complete on Cyberpunk 2077

December 10th - We finally find out what the squirrels have been up to

December 25 - Kamala Harris outlaws Christmas and becomes Empress of The World

December 27 - Obama releases new memoir

December 30 - Sydney Powell announces Kraken will finally be released next week

December 31 - Jesus returns

Yikes-- looks like 2021 will be another doozy! Happy New Year!


Comments

There are 249 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.