The Babylon Bee Has Obtained Trump’s Short List Of Possible VP Picks
Politics · Jan 24, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

With the Republican presidential primary looking all but wrapped up, attention now turns to who Donald Trump will choose as his vice-presidential running mate. The Babylon Bee writers, expert investigative journalists that we are, have managed to obtain Trump's official short list of potential VP picks:

  • A Stanley tumbler: Get ready for unprecedented support from suburban white women.
  • Pop-Tart Guy: The breakfast pastry that captivated the nation could be the ultimate unifying choice.
  • Nikki Haley's husband: Just to really mess with her.
  • Argentinian President Javier Milei: Just think of the hair!
  • The lucky fan who buys the 1 millionth Trump NFT: Congrats, Martha from Ohio!
  • Macaulay Culkin: The Home Alone 2 reunion America needs.
  • Taylor Swift: Expect multiple cutaways to show her in the audience during every Trump speech.
  • Voldemort: Oh no, the media was right — Trump IS pure evil!
  • Hillary Clinton: Just so he can make her come to every Oval Office meeting and then say, "Sorry, Hillary, you're not in this one." Delicious!
  • Jesus: Sure to lock down the Christian vote.
  • Alec Baldwin: Every presidential candidate should have a running mate ready to use deadly force to protect him.
  • Catturd2: The very best social media has to offer. We, too, cannot believe this is real life.
  • Himself: After looking far and wide, Trump could find no one more qualified than Trump.

Gosh, we can't believe Mike Pence got left off. Keep an eye out, America - the next Vice President of the United States is somewhere on the list above!


Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.

Watch Santa's retirement announcement

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now