Kamala Harris has been very secretive about her policies — in fact, no one really knows if she even has any. Unbeknownst to everyone, however, Kamala has been preparing several policies this whole time.
In a world exclusive, The Babylon Bee has gone deep undercover to find the following list of secret policies Kamala Harris and Tim Walz want to institute when they are elected:
Get rid of dividers between urinals: Tim Walz was reportedly a big proponent of this one.
A new tax on money you saved by purchasing something on sale: What are you trying to do, rob Uncle Sam? Nice try.
Outlaw males: Tim Walz wouldn't be affected by this one.
Institute special joy camps where people without sufficient joy can go: Get ready for the happiest gulags you could ever imagine.
Re-tax all taxed taxes: The re-taxed taxed taxes will then be taxed again just in case they missed anything.
All McDonald's Happy Meals will now come with a free tampon: Start training them while they're young.
Require proof of transgenderism for assault weapon purchases: Trans rights are gun rights.
Kill all white people: The white supremacy problem will be solved once and for all.
Outlaw interviews with the president: Cutting down on misinformation, one step at a time.
Make every month Pride Month: Why would we even want to have other months if they're not going to be gay?
Finally, voters can know where Kamala Harris and Tim Walz stand on such important issues that so many people are concerned about. Remember, a vote for Harris-Walz is a vote for taxpayer-funded energy-efficient mosques in every American city!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
