GARY, IN — In a brilliant, politically savvy response to critics accusing her of not having any policies, Kamala Harris has just posted a brand-new video of her eating truck stop junk food.
While the move has drawn criticism as a "publicity stunt" that "just avoids the question of policies altogether," sources close to the Democrat presidential candidate say that they're confident the video will help make up for Kamala's lack of policies.
"Look what I have — a bag of Doritos!" Kamala said as she smiled at the camera. "Doritos are shaped like triangles. Triangles have three sides. Our government has three branches. In this way, our democracy is like Doritos. Don't you love Doritos? HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
As a response to hostile journalists who have asked how she would deal with the border crisis and the American economy, Harris eloquently cackled under her breath and pulled a Slim Jim out from behind her back.
"I got this at a truck stop, which is called that because trucks like to stop there," she explained patiently, holding the meat stick out to the cameraman. "This is a Slim Jim, which was named after a thin man named James. It has yellow on it. There is great significance to the color yellow. For instance, yellow school busses. HAHAHAHA!!!"
The mainstream media has defended Kamala's statements as "a bold response to criticism of her policy proposals which brings her down to earth and builds rapport with the common folks."
At publishing time, Kamala had decided to respond to critiques of her leadership abilities by posting a video of her dancing the Macarena with Tim Walz.
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