Texas Finds Loophole With New 'Super Ouchy Pokey Wire'
U.S. · Jan 26, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

EL PASO, TX — With the legal conflict between the federal government and the state of Texas still in full swing following the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on the use of razor wire along the southern border, Texas found a loophole by instead using "Super Ouchy Pokey Wire."

The new type of wire, manufactured in Japan, provides an alternative to the controversial razor wire that was previously being used to deter illegal migrants. Legal experts consulted by Texas officials discovered the loophole and presented it as a viable option to subvert the legal challenges brought by the Biden administration.

"This isn't razor wire," said Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton. "The Supreme Court ruling had to do specifically with razor wire. This is ‘Super Ouchy Pokey Wire' from the Crazy Aggressive Security Corporation in Yokohama, Japan. It's just as effective, but it is absolutely not razor wire. Your move, Biden."

Members of the Texas National Guard had already been given orders to begin installing the Super Ouchy Pokey Wire along all heavily trafficked border crossing points. The White House was reportedly already working behind the scenes to put forward a new legal challenge. "This is outrageous," one Biden administration insider said. "We're going to use every type of diplomatic and economic pressure we can to hold the makers of this product accountable. Those clever Texans will not get away with this."

At publishing time, Texas officials had placed an additional order for more Super Ouchy Pokey Wire from Japan, this time with the optional Buzz Zap Shocky Shocky Electricity feature.

Babylon Bee subscriber Tim G contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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