Terrified Mugger Flees As NYPD Dance Squad Arrives
U.S. · Feb 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

NEW YORK, NY — An alleged mugger is still believed to be at large in the city today after fleeing the scene of the crime as soon as the New York Police Department Dance Squad arrived.

The incident, which authorities believe to have occurred early this afternoon near Midtown Manhattan, was still in progress when witnesses say the perpetrator saw the NYPD Dance Squad approaching, causing the aggressor to break off his attack and run away in terror.

"He took off once he saw the dancers got here," one eyewitness said. "It was obvious that he wanted no part of them. Honestly, who can blame him? If I saw that group rolling up toward me, I'd want to get as far away from them as I could. I've never seen such a strong crime deterrent."

As word of the NYPD Dance Squad has continued to spread throughout the city's underworld, officials reported a noticeable decrease in criminal activity. "It's had a surprising effect on crime," said an NYPD source. "The mere mention of the dance squad sends criminals scrambling away in horror. We told the inmates at one of our local detention centers that we'd bring the dancers in if they didn't shape up, and we've never seen such model behavior."

As investigators continued to search for the mugger, the department spokesman expressed doubt that he would ever be found. "He's likely out of state by now," he said. "Seeing those dancers is enough to scare anyone straight."

At publishing time, NYPD officials were reportedly considering deterring further crime by threatening to have the dance squad sit on all offenders and crush them.


World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.