HEAVEN — Distinguished authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis have once again been sent to opposite corners of Heaven following a heated argument about the proper use of allegory.

The argument was reportedly sparked by a comment from Lewis when he said, "The lion is Jesus. Don't you get it?"

Tolkien reportedly fumed: "Now see here, old chap, I get it. We all get it. It's very obvious. But I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations. I think that many confuse applicability with allegory, but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author."

"So there," he added.

According to Abraham Lincoln, who witnessed the argument, Lewis responded by claiming, "Technically, I don't write allegory, I write supposition. Besides, the function of allegory is not to hide but to reveal, and it is properly used only for that which cannot be said, or so well said, in literal speech."

"So there."

Tokien was aghast. "Supposition? But it's clearly allegory."

"No no, my friend," Lewis corrected. "The lion doesn't represent Jesus. He is Jesus. Get it?"

Tolkien was forced to admit he "could not even."

Angelic forces have separated the two friends until they can get along once again.

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