MINOT, ND—According to sources from within his home, local teen Timothy Landon carefully applied an entire case’s worth of Axe body spray to his person before heading out to his church’s regular Wednesday evening youth group meeting.
“You can’t put on too much of this stuff,” Landon said. “It’s pretty expensive though, so I’ll limit it to just ten or twelve bottles tonight. That should do the trick.”
Landon also reportedly mixed several different scents to evoke the proper response from the various girls in the youth group.
“I find that if you start with two cans of ‘Black Chill,’ then hit problem areas with six or seven bottles of ‘Gold Temptation,’ you can top the whole thing off with a touch of ‘Anarchy’ to really tie it all together,” he told reporters as he finished off his final can while his mom honked her minivan’s horn in the driveway. “Ugh. Mom, I’m coming! Gosh!”
At publishing time, Landon was reportedly furious that every other boy in the youth group had also applied an entire case of Axe body spray, nullifying his advantage.