DENVER, CO—In an embarrassing blunder, rookie usher Sean Jackson committed a nasty fumble during his first starting performance at Cedar-Pine Hills Community Church Sunday morning, multiple sources confirmed Tuesday.
The recently drafted left-wing usher performed several flawless hand-offs to begin the offertory, but lost his grip while transferring the offering plate to a gentleman in the fourth row, sending coins, envelopes, and bills flying all over the shocked crowd.
The error cost the ushers dearly, as the fumble and ensuing time spent collecting the spilled cash contributed to the worst offertory time on record, clocking in at just over five full minutes—two of which were spent in dead silence as the video meant to take up the entire offering time proved woefully short, according to witnesses.
“It’s just first-service jitters,” head offensive usher Gary Brewer told reporters. “We fully expect Jackson to recover from this and have a great first season.”
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