Target Dodges Looting By Hanging JCPenney Sign

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a genius move to deter looters, a local Target store has disguised itself as a JCPenney. 

"We got tired of getting completely ransacked every time something happened in the news, so we decided to do something about it," said Store Manager Andy Boreschnoz. "To our knowledge, no one has ever shown interest in looting anything from a JCPenney, so we put up this very convincing banner."

Executives from JCPenney disputed the claim, insisting that everyone loves their products. "Looters come from all around the world to loot our quality merchandise," said JCPenney's CEO Marc Rosen. "Please looters! Come check out our stuff! You'll love it, we promise! PLEASE!"

The local Target has announced plans to hang the banner up until looting season is over. Sources say that since the banner was installed, no looters have visited the store. Unfortunately, no shoppers have either.  


In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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