MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Target Corporation is making drastic changes in its product selection in an effort to win back customers following the first quarterly earnings loss in six years. Thus, they have unveiled the new Straight White Male Pride Collection available in stores nationwide.
The collection will be featured near the entrance of every store where the transgender kids' clothes were once featured.
"We've always loved straight, white male customers," said Target CEO while wearing a flannel shirt tucked into a pair of Lee™ jeans. "As it turns out, selling products that spit in the face of your core customers' moral values tends to hurt sales a bit. Also, I love all beers except for that super gay Bud Light. Barf-o-rama, amirite?"
The marketing rollout for the Straight White Male Pride Collection has begun, with ads showing multiple red-headed white guys who look a lot like Oliver Anthony decked out in cargo shorts and Skechers comparing their multi-tools and talking about Ford trucks.
The collection will also include beard oil, Jordan Peterson posters, and five-gallon drums of mayonnaise.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.