Remember the good ol' days when you could Tebow in a public-school stadium without fear of losing your job? With football season getting started, The Babylon Bee is here to save the day with a list of other ways besides Tebowing to honor God during a football game.
- Enter the stadium on a flaming chariot: Set a Heavenly tone right out of the gate.
- Write the entire book of 2 Samuel on your eye black stickers: Just make sure you write really small.
- Bring in a Pentecostal pastor to slay the defensive line in the spirit: The Lord is my blocker, I shall not want.
- If you're a quarterback, take all your snaps from the shotgun, because touching the center's butt is gay: Avoid even the appearance of evil.
- Throw a Hail Mary on every single play: Note: only works for Catholics.
- Pluck out your eyes to avoid looking at the dancing cheerleaders: Avert your eyes and stay pure!
- After scoring a touchdown, spike the ball in your opponent's face and scream "Boom shakalaka, sucka!": It will remind fans how the Lord will one day crush His enemies under His feet.
- When a teammate slaps your butt after a play, turn the other cheek: Then, do unto him as he did unto you.
Try one at your next football game, or better yet, try them all! Let us know any we missed!
Meet Andy, a completely blind umpire whose life is about to change radically.
