Remember the good ol' days when you could Tebow in a public-school stadium without fear of losing your job? With football season getting started, The Babylon Bee is here to save the day with a list of other ways besides Tebowing to honor God during a football game.
- Enter the stadium on a flaming chariot: Set a Heavenly tone right out of the gate.
- Write the entire book of 2 Samuel on your eye black stickers: Just make sure you write really small.
- Bring in a Pentecostal pastor to slay the defensive line in the spirit: The Lord is my blocker, I shall not want.
- If you're a quarterback, take all your snaps from the shotgun, because touching the center's butt is gay: Avoid even the appearance of evil.
- Throw a Hail Mary on every single play: Note: only works for Catholics.
- Pluck out your eyes to avoid looking at the dancing cheerleaders: Avert your eyes and stay pure!
- After scoring a touchdown, spike the ball in your opponent's face and scream "Boom shakalaka, sucka!": It will remind fans how the Lord will one day crush His enemies under His feet.
- When a teammate slaps your butt after a play, turn the other cheek: Then, do unto him as he did unto you.
Try one at your next football game, or better yet, try them all! Let us know any we missed!
Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.