U.S.—According to a groundbreaking study of American evangelicals by researchers who research lots of things and probably know what they're talking about, over 95% of Americans who identify as evangelicals don't believe in God, The Bible, Jesus, The Trinity, salvation by grace through faith, or really anything else that distinguishes Christianity as a belief system.
"We were shocked by our results," said lead researcher Leesa Pappalardo. "About 30% of respondents who identified as evangelical didn't even know what the word means. 12% thought it was a flavor of ice cream. 8% thought it was the name of a character from the movie Cats. However, we did discover there were many issues of wide agreement among evangelical Americans."
Some of the strongest areas of agreement included:
There are more than two genders - 83%
Orange man bad - 74%
America is the greatest country ever in the history of everything - 50%
America is a racist piece of garbage - 50%
The Last Jedi was the worst movie ever - 100%
Unfortunately, areas that many consider essential points of Christian doctrine didn't do so well:
Jesus is God - 3%
God is God - 4%
The Bible is God's Word - .0032%
Evangelical leaders expressed concern about these numbers and promised to address it as soon as the Financial Peace seminar, BLM rally, and marriage retreat are over.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.