SACRAMENTO, CA — A piece of the Golden State's heritage was lost today, as the iconic grizzly bear that had adorned the California state flag announced that he had officially moved to Texas.
Monarch, the revered bear that has represented the state on its flag since it was officially adopted in 1911, revealed that he was leaving California for the Lone Star State after giving up hope that things at home would ever improve.
"I want to live in a state where my bear family has a better future," he said. "California has perfect weather and amazing food options, but things have just fallen off a cliff around here over the last couple of decades. The taxes, the real estate prices, the progressive policies… I just don't recognize it as the same state anymore. My family and I have purchased a nice house in Texas for a fraction of what it would cost us in California. It'll be nice to feel like we live in America again."
When asked about the departure of the state flag's famous bear, Governor Gavin Newsom blamed President Donald Trump. "This is just another result of Trump's divisive brand of leadership," Newsom said. "It's a sad day when even our wonderful Monarch the Grizzly Bear gets radicalized by Donald Trump's extreme, fascist ideas. If Monarch wants out, I say good riddance. We welcome the search for newer, more diverse representation on our flag."
At publishing time, Newsom had announced that he would be replacing Monarch on the California state flag with a Chinese panda.
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