SZCZECIN — A Europe that was already on the brink of war seemed poised to boil over into chaos on Monday, as news broke that Elmo had led a division of Panzer tanks across the Polish border.
The invasion came on the heels of a vitriolic screed Elmo unleashed on social media over the weekend. It was later claimed that Elmo's official X account had been hacked, but the sudden incursion signaled a sharp escalation in an apparent effort to exert control over the European continent and establish what has been referred to as "Elmo's Reich."
"Elmo says move forward! Ha ha ha! Elmo is expanding his territory!" the small, furry, red Muppet was heard shouting from the top hatch of his Panzer tank. "Do not allow Elmo's enemies to escape! Ha ha ha! Elmo will usher in a new era of Aryan dominance! Ha ha ha!"
Sources said that Elmo's Panzer division crossed the border from Germany into the Polish region to the west of Szczecin in the early hours of Monday morning before capturing the city and continuing on eastward. "Don't let the playful laughter fool you, he showed no mercy," said one eyewitness to the carnage. "He was counting like a small toddler with each cannon blast from the tanks, numbering each building that was destroyed. Europe hasn't seen this type of military aggression since… well, you know who."
Elmo's invasion showed no signs of slowing down, with analysts expecting him to conquer Poland before the weekend.
At publishing time, insiders said Elmo had been overheard discussing the possibility of updating his appearance by growing a tiny mustache.
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