TATOOINE — Despite rumors circulating that the infamous gangster had transformed his look with the help of the trendy weight-loss drug, the now 150-pound Jabba the Hutt issued a public statement denying the use of Ozempic.
Holonet celebrity gossip reports had been buzzing with reports that Jabba had begun taking injections to shed thousands of pounds of unwanted fat, but the now-svelte crime lord was adamant that he dropped the weight the old-fashioned way.
"Neena chawa mala pampa," Jabba said, which, when translated by his interpreter droid, said, "I've just been eating right and exercising."
Jabba's full statement, when translated from Huttese, called any reports of Ozempic use completely false. "I worked hard to look like this," he said. "People trying to say I took the easy route by using a weight-loss drug are just haters. They're jealous of my success. Now, I not only rule the underworld here on Tatooine, but I also have a killer body. Maybe now I won't have to chain females to me to get them to hang out with me."
Reports had swirled for years that Jabba had battled addictions of different types, from overeating and smoking his hookah pipe to dipping into his own supply of illegally trafficked Glitterstim spice. According to the gangster, there has never been any truth to such gossip. "Everyone always talks trash about me," he said. "In reality, they all wish they could be me."
At publishing time, a spokesman for Jabba also denied that he had hired famous smuggler Han Solo to bring him his latest Ozempic prescription refill.
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