U.S.—According to a groundbreaking study of American evangelicals by researchers who research lots of things and probably know what they're talking about, over 95% of Americans who identify as evangelicals don't believe in God, The Bible, Jesus, The Trinity, salvation by grace through faith, or really anything else that distinguishes Christianity as a belief system.
"We were shocked by our results," said lead researcher Leesa Pappalardo. "About 30% of respondents who identified as evangelical didn't even know what the word means. 12% thought it was a flavor of ice cream. 8% thought it was the name of a character from the movie Cats. However, we did discover there were many issues of wide agreement among evangelical Americans."
Some of the strongest areas of agreement included:
There are more than two genders - 83%
Orange man bad - 74%
America is the greatest country ever in the history of everything - 50%
America is a racist piece of garbage - 50%
The Last Jedi was the worst movie ever - 100%
Unfortunately, areas that many consider essential points of Christian doctrine didn't do so well:
Jesus is God - 3%
God is God - 4%
The Bible is God's Word - .0032%
Evangelical leaders expressed concern about these numbers and promised to address it as soon as the Financial Peace seminar, BLM rally, and marriage retreat are over.