WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise ruling, the Supreme Court has overturned the entire Star Wars sequel trilogy, rendering episodes VII through IX non-canon.
"The entire trilogy has been a travesty," Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the 9-0 majority opinion. "It nullifies many of the accomplishments of the original trilogy while being a thematic mess that adds nothing itself."
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was just as harsh in her concurring opinion. "You basically had two directors fighting each other over three movies. This can't stand as the last word about the Skywalker saga."
One might have predicted the ruling from the Justices' intense questioning about the trilogy. Even Justice Clarence Thomas, who rarely asks any questions, had numerous inquiries about who exactly the "New Order" were, since he thought "that the Empire had been defeated in Return of the Jedi."
It is unclear if Disney will now attempt another trilogy that better tells the story of the generation after the characters from the original Star Wars trilogy, but episodes VII through IX have been deleted off of Disney+. Episodes I through III are still there, though, since in a 2007 6-3 decision the Supreme Court ruled they had no authority to overrule Star Wars creator George Lucas even if "he clearly had no idea what he was doing."