U.S. - Women all over America have suddenly abandoned their feminist ideologies and are now advocating for traditional gender roles now that World War III has begun. They've quit jobs and, if single, have begun searching for a man to marry so they can have as many kids as possible as quickly as possible.
"I don't know what we were thinking!" said Millie Walruscatcher of Los Angeles, CA. "I used to think being strong and independent was important but ever since I realized I might have to go and die in a war on foreign soil it's been a lot less appealing."
"I'll just let my man take care of it," she giggled nervously. "As soon as I find one. Are you single?"
A CNN poll found that nearly 83% of women have suddenly left the workforce and are trying to figure out how to cook, decimating the restaurant industry. CNN anchors Brianna Keilar and Kate Bolduan are among those women who are now seeking a simpler life away from the spotlight.
"Being an anchor was incredibly rewarding," said Keilar. "But have you seen what Russia's doing to Ukraine? NO THANKS!"
CNN's Brian Stelter has reportedly expressed frustration that he cannot become a homemaker and is now concerned that he's going to be drafted in a war he helped facilitate with the endless propaganda push that got Biden elected President. Don Lemon, another CNN host, has called all the women racist.
Men, though somewhat confused by this new development, are happy to have loving women make them sandwiches before they are obliterated by Russian nuclear weapons.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
