LOS ANGELES, CA — Climate activists are claiming victory following a recent protest in which they blocked traffic and forced vehicles to idle for an extra 3 hours.
"Well, we did it, folks! Another successful protest!" said one climate protestor to his comrades after the event.
Protesters wore bright yellow vests so drivers could clearly see them as they sat on the hot pavement and held up a banner bearing the words, "YOUR CARS ARE KILLING MOTHER EARTH!"
"Cars are murder! Gas is cancer!" chanted protesters before hundreds of outraged motorists who were forced to sit there idling and crank the A/C in their vehicles for several hours.
The protest was organized in part by veteran activist Gaia Sapleaf, 63, who told reporters, "The human animal is the single biggest contributor to greenhouse gases after volcanoes, trees, and the ocean! That's why we've got to stop driving cars!"
According to sources, zero commuters were persuaded by the protest, several thousand more kilograms of CO2 were emitted into the atmosphere, and one baby was delivered in the back of a stranded van. In spite of these disappointing results, the protestors reported feeling proud of what they were doing. "I'm a hero! I'm helping!" said one protestor.
The Air Quality Index (AQI) rating for the day was 302, which experts denote as "hazardous."
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: