WASHINGTON, D.C. — Husband scientists employed with the Smithsonian Institution have discovered a strange basket holding dirty clothes, and so far are completely baffled by where it came from or what its use could be.
Researchers have deliberated almost nightly as they set out to carefully study the artifact.
"Hmmm, this could be the greatest scientific mystery since Stonehenge," said Dr. Haberdash Milton, as he held up a single piece of dirty clothing with scientific tweezers. "Do you know what this is, Frank?"
"No, doctor," said Dr. Frank Ash. "Could be from some lost civilization — Atlantis, perhaps?"
"I've had enough of your fringe theories, doctor. This was found in my bedroom! Every few days it disappears and then returns full of clean clothes!" Dr. Milton retorted. He then examined a dirty sock with a magnifying glass. "Perhaps my wife is trying to tell me something."
"Your bedroom, you say?" interjected Dr. Philistine White. "Curious."
"Hmm, yes," agreed Dr. Milton. "Curious indeed."
At publishing time, a wife scientist from UCLA published a single-page peer-reviewed paper explaining that husband scientists "should stop procrastinating and do the laundry." Husband scientists have consulted with a respected linguist from Oxford to analyze the paper and ascertain its precise meaning.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
