Health
Study Finds Anyone Still Wearing A Mask At This Point Is Probably Just Super Ugly

U.S.—A new study found that anyone still wearing a mask at this point is probably just super ugly.

The study looked at thousands of Americans still wearing masks and thousands who have long since thrown away all their masks. The findings were conclusive: the vast majority of people who still choose to wear a mask everywhere they go were much uglier than those who are currently blessing the world by letting everyone see their beautiful faces.

"Look, the vaccine is out there, numbers are way down, your risk of dying is very, very low -- if you're still wearing a mask at this point, let's be honest: you probably have a very homely face," said Dr. Vance Ryder, a very handsome doctor not wearing a mask. "You might have what we call a 'face for radio' in the business, if you know what I'm saying."

"Like, let's just be honest here. We're not gonna judge you. If you want to keep wearing the mask because you have a sad, no-good, loser face, fine. No one is going to stop you. Just don't keep pushing for mask mandates for those who have incredibly good-looking faces."

The study also found that those who no longer wear a mask are tremendous, beautiful, "maybe the best-looking people of all time."

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