NEW YORK, NY — History was made last night, as a human being laughed at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert for the first time since the show began its run in September 2018. To accomplish this feat, Colbert brought in a ringer — Vice President Kamala Harris.
"It's been seven and a half long years," Colbert said in a statement following the show. "I was just tired of the lack of laughs. It's supposed to be a comedy show! Why doesn't anyone laugh? I knew I had to do something drastic to break the streak. That's when I made the call to Vice President Harris's office."
It didn't take long for the move to be a success, as the Vice President broke into an unsettling cackle as soon as she sat down on set and Colbert said "Hello." The bizarre laughter continued throughout the interview, despite the fact that Colbert's questions were centered on serious foreign policy matters, ongoing economic issues harming Americans, and the growing threat of nuclear war. "She thought all of it was hilarious, apparently," Colbert said as he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I actually am really funny after all!"
The Vice President seemed to enjoy her appearance on the program. "It is in times like these when we all take the time to sit," Harris said in a statement released by her media team. "And as we sit, and time passes, we truly see how time sits still even as it passes while we sit."
At publishing time, Colbert and his producers were in negotiations to have the Vice President appear on every episode to break up the awkward silence during tapings.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
